Day 22 : Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life

I have many regrets for someone that’s only 24. I regret falling in love with chocolate, I regret not exercising every day, and sometimes, I regret not doing more things before my pain took over my life.

There is one event that I really wish didn’t happen. This is the one event that has shaped every major fight with my eldest sister to this day. That’s right – we’ve been fighting since I was young.

I was 14 years old and living at home. Grade 9 is tough as it is, but it’s even tougher when you come home to a difficult family life. I had a mother who was disabled, a younger sister, Catan, who would look to me for help, and an older sister, DerpDerp, whom I’m pretty sure wanted me dead. Around this same time, DerpDerp had decided that it was an all out war on me because she had found a scratched Christina Agulera cd in the back of my mother’s closet and decided that it must have been me who did it.

Yes, this is the one event that I wished hadn’t happened. Here’s the thing – I was in my mother’s room that day, shoving around boxes. Is it my fault that her cd was under a box when I shifted it? Hell no. It doesn’t matter, since I’m not even sure she remembers how it all started.

She scratched all of my cd’s, even the ones that I had borrowed and had to replace. She shot in the faces of all of my porcelain dolls with a paintball gun and left them in my closet to find. She decided that I was a terrible person and that I must pay for my crimes.

It all came down to one single day when the violence really started. There’s only so much that I can take and she had decided to steal my walkman cd player that I received for my graduation; she drew on it with sharpie marker. My mother couldn’t do anything, and decided to do nothing.

In fact, my mother was convinced that I was a terrible person as well; I guess that’s what happens when your older sister drops out of high school in favour of drugs, partying, and day time television.

Mind control anyone? She convinced my mother that I was stealing towels and food.

Yes, you’re reading that correctly. Towels – like bath towels.

Oh, and cutlery. I’d forgotten about that one.

Apparently, I like to steal food, cutlery (specifically forks and spoons), and towels.

My mother believed it with every fiber of her being.hammerfeat

I’m getting off track: So, I’d had enough. I was done. I had a mug of hot tea and I doused DerpDerp with it. I probably shouldn’t have, but I did. Soon after, she decided to try to attack me with the first weapon that she could find: A hammer.

I barred myself against my bedroom door where I was hiding and she ended up knocking the handle off of the door and putting a giant hole in the top of it. She was so frustrated that she couldn’t get to me that eventually she gave up. I didn’t stick around long enough to see that happen. It was the middle of winter, and being the survivalist that I am, I climbed out of my window and walked to my boyfriend’s house with no shoes or coat in a snow storm. I didn’t have shoes in my room and I didn’t even think to wear socks. All I could think was GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!

This was just the beginning of the events that happened over the years. It went from dumb stuff where she’d put toothpaste in my shoes to incredibly violent acts of pulling switchblades on me.

My Grandfather, on his deathbed, asked one thing of me: I want you and you sister to be real sisters. To love each other and get along. 

I will for you, JP.

So I did. I managed to patch things up rather efficiently, and while I really didn’t like her for most of it, we managed to get closer and the affection that I was faking became genuine over time.

That was until her baby-daddy decided to call me at 3AM and threaten to slaughter me. He was very drunk and there was loud music blaring in the background. He insisted that something was wrong with DerpDerp’s son and he didn’t know where anything was.

Neither do I, Buddy. He kept calling back, but since I couldn’t help him nor point to where DerpDerp had run off to, I let it go to message.

I called the police and that opened up a whole can of worms.

DerpDerp insisted that his harassment (that included calling my workplace and leaving threatening messages there as well) wasn’t his fault. He was upset and yadda-yadda. Sure, sure. 

That eventually ended with her trying to blackmail me into not charging him with my nephew.

“You’ll never see him again if you don’t drop those charges!”

I haven’t seen him since.


So there you have it: Just because her cd got scratched, I have had to endure a lifetime of mentally unstable violence and blackmail.

So…thanks for that, I guess.