It’s no secret that I hate my birthday. Same thing with Christmas.
These two days (okay, one day and one entire season) always have been filled with so much distress and so many broken promises that it’s hard to really enjoy either of them.
I’ve hated Christmas since I first hit my teens. It was easier to roll my eyes at ‘Christmas Spirit’ under my layers of shoddy black makeup than it was to actually care about the season.
My birthday is a different story but let’s not go there for now.
I didn’t even let myself have a favourite Christmas song until last year.
Last year, I was with Trevor and his entire personality changed during Christmas time to the point where he is actually a completely different (happy) person. It it a widely known phenomenon and his family dubs him ‘Christmas-Trevor’.
What happened last year was that I had a family that I loved.
I adored Trevor’s family and they were truly the only reason I stayed around so long. I was Auntie Aless to Trevor’s nephew and two nieces; I loved (still do) those kids so much. I had (his) parents who were absolutely two of the best people I’d ever met – they were so giving and incredible. I can only hope that I’m half of the person my ‘mum’ was. I loved his sister in law and his brothers so much. They were such a funny bunch of people!
The holidays were filled with so many extended family members and I actually didn’t come into contact with one person that I didn’t like…save for Trevor.
I was always very honest when people asked me why I was with him. Without a doubt it was because of his family. I put up with his shit just so that I could be a part of his family.
I really do miss them and their hugs but I’ve found a new family. One where I belong.
I have a new niece and hopefully will have more (of both genders, please) through the years. I have two sisters and two brothers to add to the mix as well as a very interesting soon-to-be Mother-in-law.
I may not have the amount of family that Trevor has, but I have my own family now.
I don’t think I hate Christmas anymore. Now it’s just sad.
I do hope that it will get better in time – I’ve done my baking and I’ve received the holiday’s allotted amount of empty promises.
I have other issues that also make me sad around this time. I was going to share this earlier in the year so that I could maybe heal some of my pain during this season, but the rape of my website’s content by my older sister, DerpDerp no longer makes me feel as if this is a safe and supportive place.
I’m working towards it being as such but it’ll take a long time to do so once again.
How does Christmas make you feel?