you're dead to me

I’ve been struggling with this post for the past few days. There’s been a thought that has been lingering around the edges of my mind and I’ve finally taken the time to sit down with a cuppa and figure it out: I’m breaking ties with my family.

I’ve done this before when my elder sister’s baby daddy called me in the wee hours of the morning and threatened to slaughter me – the aftermath of me calling the police is what did our relationship in, I’ve done this when my mother told me to leave and never come back, I’ve done this when my father decided that he didn’t like me because I looked like my mother, I’ve also done this when my little sister took advantage of me again and again.

The one consistent thing about all of this is that I always keep buggering on and I keep allowing these people to take advantage of me and my hospitality.

As an update, I still have not spoken to my eldest sister because she is toxic to my life. I’ve forgiven my mother but I’m not being allowed to see her in her last days due to a power-play by my eldest sister. My father calls me twice a year to update me on himself, usually before his birthday and before Christmas. My youngest sister does not respect me though we’re working on it.

Why does this keep happening?

Because I allow it to happen.

The amount of stress that these people put on me is not worth it any longer. So what must I do? I must mourn the select people for they are dead to me and this is the way that it must be done.

When I told my eldest sister that I never wanted to speak to her again, I felt the most amazing weight lift off my shoulders. I’ve never looked back; I’m not missing anything.

What I need to do next is to say goodbye to my father. As far as I’m concerned, my father and my eldest sister are two peas in a pod and they truly deserve each other. When I gave him the invitation to my wedding, he looked at it and then decided that it was time for him to go. No congrats, no hugs, just Oh, I’d best be off – plenty to do and plenty to see. Ta! I haven’t heard from him since then. Not a word. I guess that’s an invitation that I sent out prematurely.

I have a photograph on my fridge of my parents – before they had children. Their faces held smiles and their arms were wrapped around each other; I caught a glimmer of happiness.

It’s actually my favourite memory of my parents; I wasn’t around when this picture was taken, but it helps to remind me that people weren’t always angry or involved with other people. That my parents were once happy.

It gives me hope.

It also is a daily reminder of my mother’s life and how I am constantly fighting not to be like her. I can now be my own person and create my own life aside from the ones that her and DerpDerp are leading in London.

It helps to remind me how much I’ve changed for the better despite all of the hardships and horrid people who have introduced themselves into my life.

This is a constant reminder to make every new memory a favourite one.

 

I decided to end this on a much lighter note that I began writing it with. It’s difficult to break off ties with your family and if you’re reading this note because you want to do the same, then I urge you to get it over with as soon as you can. It won’t be easy and it won’t be cheap. You may have to let go of everything, get a new phone number, move to a new town or province, and never look back.

You can do it. You are a strong person. Don’t allow others to dictate your life; family isn’t about blood, I assure you.

 

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