Day 05 : Something you hope to do in your life

Anyone who really knows me knows that there is only one thing that I’ve ever wanted to do with my life: Be a mother. A good mother.

Having my own family is the most important thing to me. This is the one thing that has been constant since I was little, despite the years of familial abuse.

It seems a little backwards from the outside. A young woman aspiring to have children of her own after years of abuse from all sides, a young woman in constant pain from a chronic illness, and a young woman who cannot forgive anyone in her life.

I am all of these.

I remember my father telling me that he heard my mother promise what I have promised myself:

I was abused by my mother and I refuse to be that type of person. I will love and cherish my children and do what my own mother didn’t. I will not be my mother.

My own father told me to my face that I was stupid to believe that and that everything was a vicious cycle. I would eventually become my mother, as we all slowly become our parents.

I’d like to think that I’m certainly not my mother. My to-be-husband will not become either of his parents. We will be amazing parents despite all of the people against us.