I’ve been trying to convince myself that I need to look into applying for disability.

At first, I said, “Nah. I can work a secretarial job and be just fine. It’s low impact and I can focus on my health while at work instead of ignoring it.” Then I got fired from there because (in part) of my fibromyalgia.

After that, with all of the physical pain that I was still going through, “Maybe short term disability…you know, just to get back on my feet.”Following my last attempt at being a professional pastry chef, “That nearly killed me. There is no way that that’s every happening ever again.

Now, I’m to the point where I haven’t been working for about a month and I still haven’t recuperated from that month working as a pastry chef. Mind you, that workplace decided to overwork and underpay me, but that’s the unfortunate norm in my industry.

It’s now about 4AM, I’m up for another night in a row with a splitting headache and no matter how much medication I take, how many baths or cold compresses I have, or even how much Pain-A-Trate (This stuff is awesome!) I put on my jaw and neck, it never goes away.

I’m at the point where I seriously need to suck up my pride and apply for disability. My doctor told me straight out that she doesn’t believe in helping people apply for long term (or even short term) disability. I need to change her mind.

Tomorrow, things for me to do:

  1. Call my doctor and find out the information for my rheumatologist. I’m told that I need two doctors to confirm my diagnosis to apply for disability in Ontario.
  2. Get an appointment with the rheumatologist – sooner the better.
  3. Print off all paperwork and GET TO WORK! Fill out at much as you can!
  4. Come up with a strategy to convince my doctor that this is the only way for me to survive after my EI runs out…besides welfare. Oh god. No – swallowing disability is hard enough, nevermind being on welfare.
  5. See that doctor and do some convincing, yo.
  6. See the rheumatologist (can switch 5 and 6)
  7. Take forms to third doctor who (maybe) can fill them out in place of family doctor
  8. Pray to all the food gods that either someone takes away my pain and lets me live my life how I want to, or that someone takes pity on me and allows me to live a painful life without having to worry about money. God, this really sucks!

To all the fibromites/fibrowarriors/fibroblasts (yes, this is what my spell check wants to correct fibromyalgia to), do you have any tips for me?

This is taking quite a lot for me to swallow and finally ask for help with this. I have always pushed through and after the last bit of pushing, I almost killed myself. Seriously.

My body revolted against me so hard that I was throwing up, I’d have headaches, body aches where I’d have no relief, I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep…oh god. Just thinking about being back at that state scares me. In that, I managed to damage (or at least it feels like it) my shoulders, my arm muscles, my leg muscles, my neck, my wrists, my hands, my ankles, my back, and much more.

Please. I beg of you.


This post continues on: Jumping Through Hoops to Apply for Disability