I recently broke up with my long term boyfriend, Trevor. You can always checkout the Dear Abby post where I described the situation.

Breaking up with Trevor was difficult enough without him manipulating me emotionally.

It’s no secret that all I’ve ever wanted was a million dollars a stable home life and in my mind, that means marriage and family. Trevor was the first relationship where I posted on a dating website that I wanted kids before I was 30 years old and I was looking for a long term relationship that eventually would lead to marriage. My thinking was: I’m tired of not getting what I want out of life.

Too many times this has happened: a boyfriend wasn’t interested in marriage later in life or a boyfriend never wanted kids; I was done with trying to live my life by the wants of others. I was incredibly honest with Trevor and I even told him on our first date that all I ever wanted was a family of my own.

Last night, I finally started speaking with Trevor about our relationship and of course, up came the topic of marriage which brings me to The List!

Things that you don’t say when someone is breaking up with you

  1. “I was going to marry you” – Admission. This is the biggest guilt trip I’ve ever heard whether you mean it or not
  2. “Give me more time” – Leveraging. You probably had all the time that you needed while in the relationship
  3. “You were a bitch anyways” – Hurt. Name calling really isn’t necessary here, Buddy. Don’t be a jerk
  4. “You’re leaving me for another man!” – Paranoia. Sometimes the reason that the other person is leaving you is because they need space…or they’re actually leaving you for another man
  5. “I cheated on you” – Anger. Don’t do this. Your feelings may be hurt but don’t try to act tough. If you did cheat on her, then you deserve to be left on the curb.
  6. “If you leave now, I’ll burn all your stuff!” – Pyromania? Really? That is actually illegal.
  7. “I love you, I’ve always loved you. Don’t leave me!” – Begging. Don’t beg. The person leaving you has probably made up their mind and if you do somehow manage to convince them not to leave you, they will probably do it again.
  8. Say nothing – Not Caring/In shock. This is just as bad as shouting obscenities. You have just reaffirmed that you never cared about the other party.
  9. “I promise, baby. I’ll never do it again” –  Bartering. You will do it again. You will. Whether it’s an alcohol problem and you threatened your partner while you were drunk, or the phone bill wasn’t paid on time. It will happen again.
  10. Don’t use this list as a way to get someone to break up with you – Jerk.

I haven’t experienced many of these points first-hand, but I can only imagine how they would have felt. What’s the worst thing someone’s said to you during a break up? This can be from friends, family, or your newly-founded ex-partner.

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